Two Skeletons Making Love On A Tin Roof
I was born in the slums of Hazard, Kentucky where I was raised by a pack of wild nuns in a roach infested monastery. It was your typical childhood. I did learn about sex at an early age due to all the action going on where I grew up. You see, these nuns were in the business of giving good times in the name of the lord to male civilians which is why I call them wild.
Skipping ahead, when I was 14 I finally learned to walk after many failed attempts. I guess I pushed myself a little harder after schoolboys started throwing rocks at me and called me Crawly since I crawled around everywhere. After seeing that I could accomplish anything that I can put my mind to, I decided to pick up an instrument. I had a classmate named Donny who was a champion flutist and let me tell you this, he was the Queef master. I didn't want to copy him by picking up the flute so I settled on the harpsichord. If I was going to be the captain of any womans dreamboat, I had to learn something cool like the harpsichord. From that point on, I ate, breathed and slept harpsichord. I learned all the hot licks like the intro to the Partridge Familys "I Think I Love You". I was knocking them dead left and right. Everyone wanted to be my friend. It was great times to say the least.
Towards the end of the school year, my school decided to host a talent show. Finally! It was my chance to show the ENTIRE school my talent. Then I heard Donny the flutist was entering too. I knew this was going to be a clash of warriors. I practiced 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I played til my fingers bled all over the keys. It was intense. On the night of the talent show, I couldn't decide what to blow people away with. Maybe a classical piece? Something original? Something popular? I had to decide quick. Donny was onstage blowing harder than any man has blew before and was clearly the winner that far into the contest. 30 seconds to go and I had nothing. They called my name and I walked out on to the stage. It was dead silent. I sat down on my bench and placed my fingers on the keys. Suddenly, the song came to me. The perfect song. The song that would make me into a talent show winner...The Addams Family Theme. The crowd loved it! My heart was pumping with joy as everyone snapped their fingers and sang along with me. It was the single greatest moment in harpsichord history.
Since that moment, My life has been pretty bland. I'm completely broke but atleast I had an experience like that in my lifetime. I still have people stop me while I'm picking up their trash and tell me how much they enjoyed that night. It brings me to tears hearing others talk about how much that night had an effect on them. I'm glad that I was the one who could bring such joy to others. Now that I think of it, what am I doing with these raggy clothes? This trash bag in my hand? I wasn't made for this! I was made to Harpsi-rock. I am announcing my comeback. Watch out for here cometh the Harpsichord man!
Download: "I Think I Love You"
Skipping ahead, when I was 14 I finally learned to walk after many failed attempts. I guess I pushed myself a little harder after schoolboys started throwing rocks at me and called me Crawly since I crawled around everywhere. After seeing that I could accomplish anything that I can put my mind to, I decided to pick up an instrument. I had a classmate named Donny who was a champion flutist and let me tell you this, he was the Queef master. I didn't want to copy him by picking up the flute so I settled on the harpsichord. If I was going to be the captain of any womans dreamboat, I had to learn something cool like the harpsichord. From that point on, I ate, breathed and slept harpsichord. I learned all the hot licks like the intro to the Partridge Familys "I Think I Love You". I was knocking them dead left and right. Everyone wanted to be my friend. It was great times to say the least.
Towards the end of the school year, my school decided to host a talent show. Finally! It was my chance to show the ENTIRE school my talent. Then I heard Donny the flutist was entering too. I knew this was going to be a clash of warriors. I practiced 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I played til my fingers bled all over the keys. It was intense. On the night of the talent show, I couldn't decide what to blow people away with. Maybe a classical piece? Something original? Something popular? I had to decide quick. Donny was onstage blowing harder than any man has blew before and was clearly the winner that far into the contest. 30 seconds to go and I had nothing. They called my name and I walked out on to the stage. It was dead silent. I sat down on my bench and placed my fingers on the keys. Suddenly, the song came to me. The perfect song. The song that would make me into a talent show winner...The Addams Family Theme. The crowd loved it! My heart was pumping with joy as everyone snapped their fingers and sang along with me. It was the single greatest moment in harpsichord history.
Since that moment, My life has been pretty bland. I'm completely broke but atleast I had an experience like that in my lifetime. I still have people stop me while I'm picking up their trash and tell me how much they enjoyed that night. It brings me to tears hearing others talk about how much that night had an effect on them. I'm glad that I was the one who could bring such joy to others. Now that I think of it, what am I doing with these raggy clothes? This trash bag in my hand? I wasn't made for this! I was made to Harpsi-rock. I am announcing my comeback. Watch out for here cometh the Harpsichord man!
Download: "I Think I Love You"
Labels: Writings
posted on Sunday, February 17, 2008
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